Part 1 – Off we went…

We were quite wealthy and happy back in Southern Iraq. We have been working hard to achieve what we were enjoying at the moment my life changed so radically. Out of the blue God appeared to me and said: ‘Go out of your country, leave your relatives here, move away from your father’s house. I will show you where to go. You can’t imagine how much impact you will have on the lives of all the families of the earth. I will bless you and make your name great. I will bless those who bless you, and the one who curses you I will curse.’ I had no clue who this God was. I had never met Him before, but He was definitely not one of the gods we were used to worship. He was more real than any of them. However, what He was saying terrified me. I loved my life; I loved my big and well-situated house and my healthy herd of cattle. I had a good life, a lot of friends and I was respected. What would my friends think of me when I told them an unknown God called me to leave the city? What could I answer them when my business partners asked where I wanted to go? However, I couldn’t refuse the call. His words stuck in my head, they followed me wherever I went, even in my dreams. I spoke with dad, Tyler, about it and we decided to go. I was so glad that he supported me. My gorgeous wife and my precious nephew went with us. Although Tyler was not young any more, he was quite decisive and courageous, at least more than I was. And off we went, after a big farewell party in our home town.

We had a pleasant and comfortable travel while heading north. We travelled on a busy road along side a beautiful river. There were lots of places to drink a proper cup of coffee or to eat my favourite hot dogs. I was able to check my face book account every 2 days, which is not that bad. I really enjoyed staying in touch with my friends back home. For Tyler is was more difficult. He just learned to use the internet a few years previously. Since he hardly understood our own computer back home, the MacBook we bought for the travel totally confused him. The keyboard was to small, the interface was different, and I was not able to teach him new skills. After a few days he started to complain about the whole situation. Everything was miserable and he regretted he joined me in this adventure. Moreover his rheumatoid arthritis relapsed and he had a lot of pain. He needed some rest.

One day, when we had been in Rahan for a while, I told him we were going to leave the city. God told me to go south-west. We had to face the challenge of a lonely desert. I could handle it, but I was not so sure about my dad’s physical capacity. Again God’s assignment for me was so clear and real, that I had no choice but go. Leaving this city was not as easy as I thought. My dad turned out to be a master in loitering. He found a huge amount of excuses to stay for some other days in the city. For instance he had an appointment with a famous rheumatologist. This guy thought it was absolutely necessary to make some X-rays and to do some laboratory blood test. Although my dad had been examined by every single specialist in our own city back home, he had the hope for a miraculous medicine that could cure his condition. Since I didn’t want to be harsh, I gave him this chance to get rid of his continuous pain problem. But in the depths of my heart, a feeling was growing that I made a stupid mistake. My loyalty to my father beat God’s call in my heart. He became a first class hold up. Eventually I found myself laying him to rest in the graveyard outside the city. He died of old age.

[to be continued….]

 

Stars…

He also made the stars… Genesis 1:16

Since there is much light pollution in many areas in the Netherlands, many stars in the Netherlands are invisible. Therefore I really enjoy the gorgeous nightly skies here at Capernwray. There are no street lights in the surroundings. The only light you can see, is the light of the lamps outside the Hall. An other day I went for a walk at night. The sky was perfectly clear; no clouds at all. I was amazed by the amount of stars. As I kept looking, more and more of them appeared in the sky. I turned around to watch the other end of the sky; there was no difference. Everywhere around me were stars.

I realised that the One who made the stars is my Maker, my Creator. He made men in the same week He made the stars. Creation turned from good in very good at the day God made men in His image. Imagine the whole extent of the universe: God made it all! It is measureless, indescribable and great. And this God, in His wisdom spent only 5 words on this wonderful workmanship. Yet, He spends a whole Bible to let us know how much He loves us.

“Can you bind the chains of the Pleiades
or loose the cords of the Orion?”

“No God, I can’t.
When I consider Your heavens
the work of Your fingers,
the moon and stars,
which you have ordained;
what is man that You take thoughts of him
and the son of man that You care for him.
Night reveals knowledge to night
and the darkness is not dark to You.
The night will shine like the day.”

[Job 38, Psalm 8, 19 & 139]

The spectacle of the stars in the sky takes my breath away. It reminds me of the One who breathed me breath in my nostrils. Why should I fear when the Maker of the universe is my God and Father?

Corine

 

How to be a healthy doctor….

What a privilege to be at Capernwray and to have some time to reflect on the past several months. Straight after I finished medical school I started with my first job as a young doctor at the intensive care unit and I enjoyed it a lot. But at the same time, it has been tough. There was a high cost to my busy and demanding schedule. I wasn’t able to pay enough attention to the most important things in my life. First of all my relationship with God slid back. I found no rest to spend quality time with God. I prayed only in the few spare moments that I had, for instance during my drive to work. Also I found no time to read my Bible. Since I had to work many Sundays, I couldn’t attend my church on these days. I felt alone in my walk with God. Furthermore it was hard to find time to spend with my family and friends, let alone for exercise. My life became more and more a pitiful combination of working, eating and sleeping. When I came home, I had no energy to prepare a proper meal; I ate food I could prepare quickly (I would almost use the term fast-food, but that would be too shocking…). In the evening I watched the TV. And  then I went to sleep for a couple of hours.

While I am here, I have started to realise this is not the way I want to live my life. Life is not all about working. Yes, I like my work. I am passionate to offer patients excellent healthcare. I want to give the best of myself as a doctor and a human being. I believe my patients deserve my full attention and my genuine respect. But how am I supposed to be a devoted doctor if I live a life that is unhealthy and draining?

Yesterday I read an article in Student British Medical Journal. It was called ‘Give us a break – working hours and mental health need more attention’ (November 2009, page 404). Jennifer Price, a trainee in vascular surgery, wrote very honestly about her struggle with mental illness. Concerning the continuation of her study she got the advice to either quit medicine or just get on being a doctor. There seemed to be no way in between these options. She was determined to find a way to become a doctor so she sought for alternative options to those suggested. Then she found out that she could apply for a less than full time (LTFT) training program in the United Kingdom. This program gave her the opportunity to finish her psychotherapy, to take time for reflection and to spend time with friends and family.

Price argues that ‘doctors work too many hours and spend little time at home: relationships suffer, exercise decreases and loneliness abounds.’ She suggests that this could contribute to self medication, alcohol and drugs problems amongst doctors. She states: ‘Although conditions or doctors have improved over the past decade, I recognise a persisting mindset that in becoming doctors we accept responsibility to put our profession ahead of our personal needs.’

This article was an encouragement for me. Often I feel little acknowledgement when I express my uncertainties about my career as a doctor. Many seem to be afraid for the judgement of collegues and the consequences for their CV. I think Price’s statements are sound. We get training in an environment that asks us to give all we have. If we either don’t want or are not able to give all we have in our profession we are considered to be unmotivated and not enough devoted. There is little room for our own needs, uncertainties and weaknesses.

I wonder why we are so inconsistent when it comes to our standards. Many doctors have the legitimate feeling that they cannot motivate their patients for quitting smoking if they keep smoking themselves. However, we try to motivate patients to have a healthy, balanced lifestyle while we are unable to live a balanced and healthy life ourselves.

The Maker of the universe took time to rest after He had performed an enormous job. He taught his people in the early ages to take enough rest and to remember the previous years in slavery. They got the opportunity to celebrate their freedom every week. Jesus took time to rest once in a while. Therefore I am convinced that God made us thrive by the alternation of work and rest. When you work do it as if for God. And when you rest, remember that He has blessed you.

The question remains how to live a balanced and healthy life as a doctor…

Corine

 

He has kept the faith

Vandaag heb ik tijd doorgebracht met 11 geweldige 80-plussers. (Voor meer hierover zie mijn andere blog ). Ze hadden allemaal hun eigen verhaal. Hoewel ik ze vandaag voor het eerst ontmoette en ik nog maar een klein beetje van hun verhalen heb gehoord, heb ik genoeg gehoord om te weten dat veel van hen hebben gestreden en een zware race hebben gerend. Ze zijn dichterbij de hemelpoort dan wij, jonge en levendige mensen hier op Capernwray.

Het trof me dat ik net vanavond een mailtje had van mijn vader met onderstaande psalm. Hij refereerde met deze psalm aan mijn opa steeds ouder wordt. Zijn krachten worden minder en zijn geheugen laat hem soms ook in de steek. Maar door de genade van God heeft hij zijn geloof behouden. Hij kijkt uit naar een betere plaats. En nu hij zo veel moeite te doen hier, om niet te struikelen over zijn eigen voeten, leidt God hem veilig naar de betere plaats, naar Huis.

 

It’s over now

My son, my life is all poured out

Like water, water, water on the ground

I am leaving, I’m going to a better place

It’s over now

My son, in the grace of God be strong

For you must go on like a soldier

I am leaving, I’m going to a better place

It is all over now

And I made it some how

The war is over, the race is run,

I’ve kept the faith

It’s over now

My son, the race was long and hard

And I stumbled, I stumbled all the way

But by his mercy I stand

And now there is for me a crown

A crown of righteousness

which He will give me on that day

On that glorious day

When I see His face.

 

My Capernwray-psalm

There is a plaque going on in this neighborhood, for decades and decades. I have the privilege to be part of this plaque nowadays. But at the same time I suffer from this plaqye. Everywhere I go, I meet Capernwray students. Even if I go to a town, 10 miles away, then I meet them. I feel like this:

Where can I go from the students?
Or where can I flee from their presence?
If I go for a walk, they are there;
If I make my bed in my room, behold, they are there.
If I take my car to Carnforth,
If I settle on the far side of the estate of Capernwray,
even there their eyes will watch me.